Questions

I am at the crossroad of my life. Permanently dissatisfied with my state of being. Trying to figure out where to go. In order to find out where to go, first you have to sort out where you started and where you are. Only by understanding the past, we can attempt to understand the future.

My earliest childhood memories are bloodied. Being the youngest child in my neighborhood, I was often bullied. Bullied but not broken is how I remember those days. I was loved by my parents but loathed by the neighborhood kids. And I think that unlocks the key to my personality.

These childhood memories of being loved by some yet loathed by others created a personality that always tries to put people in two camps – either you are with me or you are against me. George Bush so eloquently articulated this feeling if eloquent is the right word you would ever use for Bush, the butcher of Baghdad.

They say a man is made of nature and nurture. Nature is what DNA does to us. Nurture is what society, school, family and friends do to us. How much of us is defined by nature and nurture is something to be argued upon. But there’s more to us than nature and nurture.

According to Hindutva, we are born with an immortal self. This immortal self recycles through karmic life cycles but never really dies jut like energy. Based on our karmic actions, it changes life forms from lower to higher with a goal of transmigrating lifeforms and eventually becoming one with the cosmic energy just breaking the dependency on physical life forms.

Now the question is to figure out how much of this self carries over from life form to life form? Does it really remembers any thing from the past?

As you can see from this that our personalities are nothing but a hodgepodge of primordial soup with ingredients from nature, nurture and so called self.

So who am I? A body needing food, sex and sleep? Or a Freudian ego looking for name, and fame? How about a self that’s trying to transmigrate the shackles of bonded life cycles? Or all of these?

Then comes the question of understanding the purpose of life from body, mind and soul perspective.

What’s the purpose of body? Be healthy and enjoy what senses have to offer. Over indulgence in senses is going to destroy our body. So indulge in moderation and putting little effort to keep the body healthy is the right path.

What’s the purpose of mind? Understanding the obstacles of psychology such as anger, greed, lust, fear etcetera and overcoming them to achieve an inner state of peace is the right path.

What’s the purpose of soul? Doing the right deeds so as to transmigrate the shackles of cyclical life forms is the right path.

Tears

“That same night, I wrote my first short story. It took me thirty minutes. It was a dark little tale about a man who found a magic cup and learned that if he wept into the cup, his tears turned into pearls. But even though he had always been poor, he was a happy man and rarely shed a tear. So he found ways to make himself sad so that his tears could make him rich. As the pearls piled up, so did his greed grow. The story ended with the man sitting on a mountain of pearls, knife in hand, weeping helplessly into the cup with his beloved wife’s slain body in his arms.”
― Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Long and lonely.

When night feels long and lonely.
When shoulders are stressed carrying the invisible weight of worries.
Some real ones and some imaginary.
What do you do?

Deep down your throat,
you know,
that some thing is stuck.
But.

Greed, desire, envy and anger,
keeps you from letting it go.
Ego. Go.
Let Go.